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Golf Humour: Pg4
Humour Page 1 * Humour Page 2 * Humour Page 3 * Humour Page 4
Studies show that laughing and having a generally happy outlook on life improves your golf game...but not as much as a practice green.
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Busted!
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A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to his place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock. They got dressed quickly as the man's wife was due home any minute. Then the man told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked (thinking him pretty weird). The wife finally got home and he met her at the door.
Upset, she asked where he'd been? The man replied, "I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late." The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes and yelled, "I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU DAMN LIAR! You've been playing golf again, haven't you!" |
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Golf balls
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A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees.
After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left ajar. She peeks in and sees 3 golf balls and $6,000.
She confronts her mate with her findings, and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer."
She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad. But what about the $6,000? He explains "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold 'em!"
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Concentration |
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker. "Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!" I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.
Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee." I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating. Once more the man yelled, "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!"
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mike and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my SECOND shot?" |
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Playing Through
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The husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need help." she said. The husband ran off saying, "I'll go get some help." A little while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line up his shot on the green. His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, "I may be dying and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he'd come and help you."
"The second hole??? When is he coming???"
"Hey! I told ya not to worry." he said, practice stroking his putt... "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through." |
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Super Ball |
These two guys were approaching the first tee. The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, "Hey, why don't you try this ball." He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. "You can't lose it."
His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!!" The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it."
Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball?"
The man replies, "I found it." |
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Recent Study
A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud.
I almost feel like a hybrid. |
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